Acceptance

There is something that has been bouncing around my head the last few days and this seems to be my best outlet. There is a wonderful community of people on here that offer sympathy, acceptance, advice and a good dose of humor. Being accepted is a huge thing for me, and maybe it shouldn't be. At least I know that on here I don't have to worry about putting up a shield. I can be myself and wave my freak flag with pride. People in the real world aren't as welcoming, which is an awful shame.

Where am I going with this.....?

Oh yes, acceptance. One of the many things that I need to self improve on is to accept myself for who I am.

1. I like to be spanked when I do something wrong...or right depending on the situation.

2. I want to please Him in all ways, at all times, even when I'm being bratty.

3. I want to wear a symbol of my submission to Him because He owns me, whether He knows it or not.

4. I want to feel His dominance over me and know its because he loves and cherishes me and wants me to grow to be a better person.

5. I want to be everything He could ever want sexually and spiritually.

All these things make it hard to convince myself that it's okay for me to be the way I am. I don't want to change, ever. I am very happy in this lifestyle, the happiest I've ever been. I would be crushed if we ever went back to the way it was before. I would survive and still love Him desperately but I would be holding back a large part of myself.

Where is all this introspect coming from?

There has been a couple times now that He has used His belt to collar me while we are having sex and it's wonderful and kinky but I'm worried about marks and bruises that may come from this. He has known from the very beginning that I enjoy a good dose of kink. I guess it just got me thinking back to wearing a symbol of my submission to Him. We don't have anything like that and I don't know if He would ever come to that decision alone anyway. He had talked about starting to have me kneel next to Him while watching tv wearing His belt as a collar, which pleased me to no end. I love when He tells me His plans for me. It's just one of the many parts of His dominance that makes me feel owned. I guess that is what the goal really is, not just the spanking and sex but the ownership. Knowing the I belong to Him because he accepts who I am and the things that I need. So to satisfy my curiosity I took the the vast depths of the Internet to see what kind of symbols are out there.

Some things I am sure of:

Spiked collars are not my thing, I'd probably end up stabbing myself or hurting Him.

I will not get the word "slave" tattooed on my body, I've gone this long without tattooing something I will regret. I do however have a tattoo in mind but that's another story.

I will not do or wear anything in public that would out me to my family or coworkers. I don't really care if my friends know, but outside of them, it's no ones business.

I will not do anything permanent, people change and I'm not much of a optimist as far as relationships go.

So basically I am left with one option. A collar (a discreet one) or other jewelry that can be removed if necessary. We have not had this discussion as of yet but I'm sure we will soon. I did find this one which I love Stealth collar

Who else is collared or wears a symbol? How did that come about and are you happy with it?