Bleh

What a horrid day! Massive migraine this morning followed by insane outbursts and general unpleasantness of my job. Somedays I catch myself looking for the brick wall that I seem to be constantly butting my head against. Thankfully there was a light at the end of the tunnel. A new fabulous hairdo!

I change my hair so often its ridiculous. I just get bored with looking the same. Some days you look and feel like a goddess and others you feel like a overweight hermit. Now I just need some new shoes. I do have a sexy pair of black and red pumps that need to make their debut sometime soon. The problem is what to pair them with? Hmmm ill have to give that some thought.

One more day of work and then I'll have some freedom. Garage sales, shopping, good food and hopefully some relaxing is on the agenda. Somewhere in there Im sure we will slip in some sex.

Or maybe we could just take a nap. I think I'm starting to feel a bit hermit-ish.

Who, what, and why?

There are times that I think about how I got to this point in life. I never planned on being a submissive, it's really not something you try to do. I didn't just wake up one day thinking " hmmm I think I'd like to be punished when I do something wrong". When I first realized where I was headed, I took to the internet to find answers. BAD IDEA! I found everything from daddy issues to mental illness. Which I have neither. Ok I might have some daddy issues but thats a whole nother story (which won't be told here).

Becoming a submissive was a gradual thing. It started with my first serious relationship. He wanted to be topped and while it was fun and sexy I just couldn't relate. It was like playing dress up, I wasn't that person and was only pretending for him. Eventually he caught on that it wasn't a natural role for me and we switched. I guess he was my first official dominant. We never used those identifiers though, BDSM wasnt in the media and as well known then. I learned a lot about what I liked and what I needed to be satisfied. The relationship didn't end well. I think in the end we had both only pretended to be happy all along.

I was involved for a short time with someone who I was totally honest with about my submissive side. We were not a good match but it was very freeing to speak openly about it without the fear of judgement. No matter the amount of love two people have for each other there will always be doubt. Will we make it? Will this finally be the real deal? Can I share the most private things about myself and not be judged?

I believe sex is a very important part of a good relationship, and in the past whenever the sex was lacking I'd feel undeserving and unattractive. Now I'm trying to learn to submit to HIM and makes my needs known. It did take me years to really start to be honest about my needs as a submissive, which we are only now getting deeper into. I wonder if its an ingrained thing for naturally submissive people to have such a hard time talking about our needs? Seems that way to me at least.

So now here we are going on 3yrs of marriage and trying to muddle our way through all of this. It's freeing to share my deepest wishes and thoughts. Yes I'm still scared of the unknown but id rather be myself and be afraid of what happens next than to pretend to be someone else.

Some days just suck

Today was one of those days that wears you down. The kind that suck your energy, making you want to curl up in bed and try again tomorrow. Saw something today at work that really made me sad (Can't explain what it was because of my job). I really hope im not the only one that is affected by other people's struggles. I know what it feels like to try so hard to just have everything crash down on you anyway. A friend of mine is going through that now and I just want to hug her and make it all go away.  :(

On a less sad note, this coming weekend is townwide garage sales in my parents town. So I will be gleefully dragging HIM around from house to house in search of treasures. I'm all a twitter just thinking about it. Then we are off to town to visit my beloved Target. Dinner at home followed by either falling asleep on the couch or having some very quiet sex after our son goes to bed. It's about a 70/30 chance that ill be asleep under a blanket while HE plays the xbox before 9pm. Oh the wild and crazy life we lead!

Is my sarcasm too obvious? :)

I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date.

If you were to go around and ask my friends and family if I'm usually on time for events and what not, they would laugh. Loudly. I have been late to just about everything I have ever gone to. Be it a Dr appointment or dinner with the family. Today was no exception.
I should have started getting ready to go to my friends baby shower about an hour earlier but instead I was drawn to the tv because those lovable rednecks from Duck Dynasty was on. Between watching them and Law and Order marathons, I'd say they could be blamed on about 50% of my sloth tendencies. So after I detached myself from the couch, I ran around in a craze because I knew I was going to be late (again). In passing I gave HIM my cell phone to read my very first blog post. Next thing I knew, HE was pressing HIS very hard member against my ass as I was attempting to finish wrapping my friends gift. HE must have decided that right then was a convenient time for HIM to have sex because I was immediately bent over the window seat with my jeans and panties down around my ankles with HIS cock slamming into me while I was forced to look out the window. A quick orgasm for me and him cumming onto my ass a few minutes later was the outcome of his attack.
After wiping me off so that I could continue my scurried beauty rituals, HE said that my blog post had turned HIM on and HE had to act on it right then.
Maybe this blogging thing isn't the bad idea I thought it would be. :)  
And yes, I was late. Again.

Fight club

"First rule of fight club. You do not talk about fight club." Last night was our usual UFC night at the friends house. We brought the food (read, I made it and wrapped it up and served it) and they paid for the pay per view fight. Now I'm not huge into violent sports but the is something about two very muscular men in tiny shorts trying their best to beat the snot out of each other. We do this every 5-6 weeks depending on the fight schedule and almost every time my mother watches our son for us at her home.
Having a babysitter = adult fun time.  :) So we watched the fights and drank large amounts of woo hoo. After it was over we went to their basement to play some pool. Now, I am by no means a pool shark but in the past I seem to shoot better the more drinks I've had. (Or maybe I just think I play better). We played many games of straight up stripes and solids. Of course the small (drunk) evil person in me made lots of comments on hubby's bad shots. I then received the 'you are so going to regret this' look. Yipes!
Which led to being held face first down on the bed with HIM spanking and covering my ass in stripes from our Singapore Stinger I. After he was satisfied that I had learned my lesson he let me cum while shoving a dildo in my ass and fucking my pussy.
I love Saturday's. :)