Limbo

I feel like I owe everyone an apology, maybe I don't but it will make me feel better. I have lots of things to say and stories to tell and things to bitch about but none of that has made its way here. Things between A and I are....weird. We are stuck in limbo and not sure where to go from here. We have some very new developments in our relationship and I don't think either one of us is ready to settle back into our normal life. When we do, I'm sure ill be overflowing with stories and such, but until then, I'm keeping it to myself until Im ready to share.

Everything is fine, we are very happy and very much still in love. It's nothing bad, just complicated.

So, in the meantime, hang in there (if anyone is still reading) I will be back soon and better than ever.

Lots of love and happy kinky thoughts, T.

Thief

I stole this from Fondles, who stole it from Sunny,  who stole it from PK. LOL. So we all have a little thief in us. :)

Here is the rules: answer truthfully but only Yes or No. Can't explain the answer unless someone asks. Which is fine too. Pass it on!

Taken a picture naked? Yes

Made money illegally? No

Had a one night stand? Yes

Been in a fist fight? No

Slept with your best friend? Yes

Had sex in a public place? Yes

Ditched work to have sex? Yes

Slept with a member of the same sex? Yes

Seen someone die? Yes

Ran from the police? Yes

Woke up somewhere and not remember how you got there? Yes

Worn your partners unmentionables? Yes

Fallen asleep at work? Yes

Used toys in the bedroom? Yes

Ran a red light? Yes

Been fired? Yes

Been in a car accident? Yes

Pole danced or done a striptease? Yes

Loved someone you shouldn't? Yes

Sang karaoke? Yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

Laughed so hard you peed your pants? No

Caught someone having sex? Yes

Kissed a perfect stranger? Yes

Shaved your partner? Yes

Given your private parts a nickname? Yes

Ever gone in public without underwear? Yes

Had sex on a roof top? No

Played chicken? No

Mooned/flashed someone? Yes

Do you sleep naked? Yes

Blacked out from drinking? Yes

Felt like killing someone? Yes

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? Yes

Been with someone because they were in a band? No

Taken 10 shots of liquor in a day? Yes

Shot a gun? Yes

Gone outside naked? Yes

Have fun!

P.S. Oh and I just had to share this with everyone because its too good not to.

I was texting A to let Him know that my ass wasn't happy with Him from His anal assault on me the other night. I pressed the send key, and then died a thousand deaths as I saw that I accidentally sent it to my coworker! Oops.

Always check the recipient before sending. :0

Forced pleasure

It started like any other night, I slept downstairs so that we could have some alone time after A got home from work. I was told to go to bed naked, which is a huge thrill to be told that you can't wear any clothing. Freeing and controlling all in one yummy little package. Later I woke to A scooting me over to make room on the bed. (I tend to be a bed hog when given the chance). Spooning against my back A told me of His night at work while running His hands over my warm skin. I was in a sleepy haze till His strokes became more demanding. Him squeezing my breasts and palming my ass gave a kick start to that needy ache I've been carrying for the last week. I needed some attention and the look in His eyes told me I wouldn't be left hungry for more.

With a smack on the ass and His mouth close to my ear He told me to touch myself and I don't need to be told twice. My fingers played over my clit as He sharply spanked my ass sending a heat wave through my body. I hadn't been spanked in over a week and the body tends to readjust quickly but not as quickly as I hoped. Each spank was like the first time, the sharp bite, the cracking sound ringing in my ears, and the warming glow that I was sure had begun to spread over my cheeks.

There is an undeniable high that I feel every time A spanks me that is as addicting as any drug. The pain and the pleasure twist together making it hard to breath. With each breath a pant I could feel my orgasm start to peak. He must have known too because He beat a rhythm on my ass in tune to the waves of my orgasm, each blow taking my breath away as I tried to cry out with sweet release.

Barely a second to catch my breath and A had pushed me into the mattress, His arm resting on my back as His other hand parted my thighs. Cupping my sex in His hand, He started to rub my now sensitized clit with His talented fingers, His thumb resting on my pussy lips just close enough to make me squirm. His fingers massaging me, making that delicious peak grow once again. The man sure does know how to work me over. As my orgasm rose and crashed over me He pressed Him arm across my shoulder blades pinning me down. A challenge and a command in the same move. Almost willing me to stay still and surrender but also challenging me to try and escape. I had no intentions of trying to get away, yet.

His hand once again found my now wet pussy and proceeded to smack my swollen lips sending a jolt through my body. Sliding a finger deep into me, He worked my sweet spot knowing it makes me melt into a hot mess. Moaning loudly against the sheets I thrust my hips towards Him out of blind need. Fucking myself against Him I quickly orgasmed again. It was there and then just as fast was over.

Like a possessed man He gave me no rest before adding a second then third finger filling me up and driving me insane with lust. Forcing me to orgasm
Again...

And again...

And again...

Finally I couldn't take anymore, I had nowhere to escape to, but a never ending orgasm that kept pulling me under. I was a panting and quivering ball of nerves. I begged A to please fuck me, to just stop His assault on me. Giving in He pressed His rock hard length against my abused pussy, easily sliding in to the very depth of me. His thighs on either side of mine, trapping me once again as He pumped into me. It felt so good to have Him inside of me, rocking into me, forcing me over the edge with His thick cock. I thought He might be getting close but I never got the chance to ride it out as He pulled Himself free and rubbed the plump head against my ass. I knew instantly what He wanted and that I didn't have a choice. Needing no extra lubrication He pushed into my ass slowing when I gave a whimper but not stopping till He was all the way in. Flexing his cock and savoring the tight grip I had on Him, He pulled out only to shove back in. Back and forth, using my body as His own personal fuck toy. The deeper He went the more I wanted, I was soon forcing myself back on Him to get more. Slamming against my ass He came with a groan as He pulsed deep inside me.

We both collapsed on the bed, both too tired and spent to do anything other than breath. I couldn't move or think, my body having raised the white flag of defeat. I had literally been fucked senseless, and it was great :)

Wicked Wednesday and His birthday

Today is His birthday and to make things easier I am going to start referring to Him as A. He is an amazing man that has made me so very happy. He tries His hardest to give me everything I could ever want and that makes the man a saint because I'm not the easiest person to love. He always has the right answer when I ask if I'm fat or if my outfit looks good. There is so much that women put men through, I'm surprised He hasn't wanted to dump me off a bridge yet. So, happy birthday my love. Your my perfect man.

On the topic of Wicked Wednesday, this week is our homemade riding crop. Now I know that crops aren't usually made out of duct tape but who doesn't love duct tape? Its the most useful invention ever made. It can seal boxes for moving or hold your bumper onto your car (I have actually had to do that) or be used to make a nifty little spanking implement. All I used was a piece of dowel rod and good ole duct tape. I thought the blue/green and black combo was cool so that's what I went with. It can really sting if that's the goal or can make nice little love taps. Plus its very easy to aim.

Hopefully I'll be on the receiving end of His birthday spankings. :)

Happy Spanking!

Acceptance

There is something that has been bouncing around my head the last few days and this seems to be my best outlet. There is a wonderful community of people on here that offer sympathy, acceptance, advice and a good dose of humor. Being accepted is a huge thing for me, and maybe it shouldn't be. At least I know that on here I don't have to worry about putting up a shield. I can be myself and wave my freak flag with pride. People in the real world aren't as welcoming, which is an awful shame.

Where am I going with this.....?

Oh yes, acceptance. One of the many things that I need to self improve on is to accept myself for who I am.

1. I like to be spanked when I do something wrong...or right depending on the situation.

2. I want to please Him in all ways, at all times, even when I'm being bratty.

3. I want to wear a symbol of my submission to Him because He owns me, whether He knows it or not.

4. I want to feel His dominance over me and know its because he loves and cherishes me and wants me to grow to be a better person.

5. I want to be everything He could ever want sexually and spiritually.

All these things make it hard to convince myself that it's okay for me to be the way I am. I don't want to change, ever. I am very happy in this lifestyle, the happiest I've ever been. I would be crushed if we ever went back to the way it was before. I would survive and still love Him desperately but I would be holding back a large part of myself.

Where is all this introspect coming from?

There has been a couple times now that He has used His belt to collar me while we are having sex and it's wonderful and kinky but I'm worried about marks and bruises that may come from this. He has known from the very beginning that I enjoy a good dose of kink. I guess it just got me thinking back to wearing a symbol of my submission to Him. We don't have anything like that and I don't know if He would ever come to that decision alone anyway. He had talked about starting to have me kneel next to Him while watching tv wearing His belt as a collar, which pleased me to no end. I love when He tells me His plans for me. It's just one of the many parts of His dominance that makes me feel owned. I guess that is what the goal really is, not just the spanking and sex but the ownership. Knowing the I belong to Him because he accepts who I am and the things that I need. So to satisfy my curiosity I took the the vast depths of the Internet to see what kind of symbols are out there.

Some things I am sure of:

Spiked collars are not my thing, I'd probably end up stabbing myself or hurting Him.

I will not get the word "slave" tattooed on my body, I've gone this long without tattooing something I will regret. I do however have a tattoo in mind but that's another story.

I will not do or wear anything in public that would out me to my family or coworkers. I don't really care if my friends know, but outside of them, it's no ones business.

I will not do anything permanent, people change and I'm not much of a optimist as far as relationships go.

So basically I am left with one option. A collar (a discreet one) or other jewelry that can be removed if necessary. We have not had this discussion as of yet but I'm sure we will soon. I did find this one which I love Stealth collar

Who else is collared or wears a symbol? How did that come about and are you happy with it?

Wicked Wednesday

To kick off my promise to myself of blogging more, I am starting Wicked Wednesday. Living in a small (minded) community makes access to sex toys almost impossible. Mail lady is nosy about oddly shaped packages and the closest sex shop is almost an hour and a half away. Soooo.... I end up making our own out of things easily found at any hardware or mass market store. Now we could just use a wooden spoon (which is tons of fun, I'm not knocking it) for spankings, but I like to explore a more creative side. Just in case anyone else is in the same boat I thought I'd share some things I've come up with now and again.

Like this weeks Monkeys Fist Flogger. I used para cord found in the hardware section of Walmart. It took quite a bit of time and one blister. Actually it took five episodes of Lost (I am in love with Hulu). The first four or five knots were a loss as I tried to master this tricky little knot. I ended up using one of them as a new key chain (only I am going to know what it can also be used for) :) The end product is pretty thuddy, and I will be making a new one soon with even more knots. I personally prefer the brightly colored rope but it would be just as nice in black. The length of it can be customized depending on how much snap you'd like, or can handle.

So go out and pick some up and give the cashier a sweet smile as you think about your soon to be new toy.

Happy Spanking!

Long time, no blog.

Yes, I'm back.

I have been gone for awhile and for that I apologize. Thank you if anyone is still out there in blog land that has come here to read what I have to say. Things have been a little hectic lately and I really didn't feel like I had anything to say. The words just weren't there. There was sex and a little spanking but for the most part, we weren't the same.

We got wrapped up in work and family and all the things that make up a life but there was no submission and there was no dominance. I need those things to be truly content, I'm not going to use the word happy to describe how I feel when we are doing TTWD because happy is in the eye of the beholder and it's just too general a term for my taste.

We have a good solid marriage and relationship, we always have. Our sex life is the only thing that has ever faltered. I have a high sex drive (energy and opportunity permitting) and very specific tastes. I like it rough, loud, fun, and like to be told what to do or not do. I am a submissive, no doubt there. My husband is my master, though we don't use that word.

All in all, we lost that connection that is so important in TTWD. I stopped looking at Him as my Sir and He stopped looking at me like I belonged to Him and only Him. We are trying to get back to where we were and I hope we succeed. It's going to take a lot of communication and for us to set aside the time to work it out. I would also like to put in writing or at least a verbal agreement, on what we expect from each other. In the meantime while we are sorting everything out I'm sure I'll have stories to tell and I'll also be jumping on the 30 Days of Submission bandwagon. I'm planning on doing a few questions per post to help speed them along cause who has 30 days to commit to one thing? Lol

So tonight I'll do the first 3 and see how much I have time to answer in the coming days. Again, thank you to anyone that has come back after my absence.

1) Does your submission - either what you practice or what you strive for -have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

We just call it TTWD because it's a nice generalization for...well, this thing we do. I would say that we are a combination of mostly dominant/submissive with a little bit of domestic discipline.

2) Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

I only submit to my husband, we do not do anything outside of our marriage. I submit sexually, He can use me however He desires, and I try to be as submissive as I can in daily life and I give my whole self during a scene. I don't really have the option to be submissive in my daily life because of my work. I don't know if we would ever consider play partners, it's not really an option around here anyway.

3) How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

When I first started having sex I liked to be forced or told what to do, so honestly it wasn't a surprise as I got older when I stumbled upon stories of this lifestyle and I immediately felt akin to the women in them. I feel cherished, safe, sexy and confidant when I submit. It's what makes me.....me. I think I could learn to be content without TTWD but I'd rather not find out.

- T

Fading

It has been a long time since I've posted anything new. I'm sure I could list the fifty two reasons as to why but I'm going to save us all some time and just say, life.

I get distracted easily, it's a well known fact. I will give a project my all until something else steals my attention away. He would love to strangle me for it (it might be the numerous half finished projects that can be found in any room of our house) oops. I just seem to only have so much room in my head for all the day to day things, family, work and of course play time. There has been a major lack of that last one.

I'm sure I'm not the only one but a lack of sex makes me feel less sexy. The less sexy I feel, the less I want sex. A viscous cycle. Life just got to be too busy, first the sex stopped in trade for extra sleep and then the spanking stopped for, I don't know what reason. Even His demeanor towards me has changed. Last night we got into a snit and He said He just wasn't feeling as strong. It didn't make any sense to me last night, but it does this morning.

When we were having frequent play time with spankings on the side, He seemed more macho and confidant. His had that extra level of testosterone backing Him up. At least that's my theory. I on the other hand have been letting the inner nag and bitch come out because I don't have any consequences anymore. Not even a stern look. It's hard to feel submissive when there is no one to submit to.

I miss our private life, I hope we can get it back and that He still wants it.

50 Shades of WTF?

My mother just suggested I read Fifty Shades of Grey while we are on a family vacation.

'giggle giggle snort giggle'

If she only knew...

One step forward, two steps back.

After a long talk last night with Him I'm feeling sad and alone. This is one of those times I wish I had someone that does TTWD to talk to. I appreciate all the people that come here to read and comment and of course the silent readers too. If it wasn't for all of you I think I would go batty.

I have been feeling very unsettled lately, like we are on two different planets. I crave more submission, not in our play (because that has been AMAZING!) But in our daily life. We get so little time together during the work week that by the weekend I'm wound up, annoyed and just plain unpleasant. I need to feel His presence even when we can't be together, for my own sanity. I tried (poorly) to explain that last night and I don't feel like I was very successful. I went to bed with a heavy heart. I always feel so stupid and clumsy when I try to open myself up. I get that TTWD was basically just dropped in His lap, I have lived this life for a long time and desperately wanted to share it with Him. I wouldn't have married Him if I didn't think He could be my Dominant some day.

I just wish I had been honest from the beginning, maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm drowning now. Who knows?

Small snippets 2

I'm not going to pretend that I've never watched porn. Cause anyone that really knows me would call me a liar if I said I didn't. Actually I really like porn, but I haven't had a need for it in a long long time. Too busy with other much more fun activities. :)

I don't really remember how the subject came up but we did discuss videotaping our sex sometime.

Okay, now I remember. I was writing up a blow by blow account of one of our more recent romps and was having a hard time remembering all the different fabulous things that happened. It was taking forever for me to get it right and I was supposed to be cleaning not blogging. :)

Jokingly, He said maybe we should just videotape it so that you can go back and watch what happened. A couple nights ago that's exactly what happened except that he didn't warn me first. No makeup, hair a mess. Thanks hon.

Anyone else done any film making of their own?

How did it turn out?

Would you do it again?

Did you ever watch it yourself?

Regret it?

Small snippets.

Beware.... I have quite a few topics floating around my head so hold on for multiple posts. :)

Does anyone else have anything whether it be a piece of jewelry or whatever that they wear as a symbol of their submission that their dom, master, sir etc.. didn't give to them for that specific purpose?

Let me explain.

I have always loved pearls. I think they are simple, classic and beautiful. I always wanted a pearl necklace of my own. Not long before we married, I broke down and bought one. I wore pearls for our wedding, a set of earrings, necklace and a bracelet that I designed myself. (One of the unknown things that will be included in my lovely blog post)

I don't know if its a June Cleaver (Leave It To Beaver) thing or what but I feel more submissive when I wear them. Just wondering if anyone else has that attachment.

Early bird gets the worm...

Feel free to take that title any way you'd like :)

It was after 3am when you came home from work, You came in and let me know that you were taking a shower before coming to bed.(and yes I heard you singing in the shower)  I fell back to sleep, sort of. I was in a half dream/half awake state. I was so tired but so looking forward to the activities that were about to unfold. What seemed like only a few minutes later you nudged me to make room on the bed that I was claiming with my entire body. You smelled like your body wash and of freshly washed skin, an intoxicating combination. Yummy. I laid on my front, naked except for my pearl necklace. We chatted about how work was for you and my night home with little man, who is starting to walk (yikes). Eventually the chit chat died down as we both understood what would happen next.

You massaged my back, rubbing all my sore spots till I was softly groaning as my muscles relaxed. Your hands slowly strayed lower and lower, grazing the tops of my cheeks. Pulling me closer to you, grabbing each cheek in your strong hands.You really are an ass man, actually you joke quite often that that's what made you want to ask me out in the first place. And I thought it was my sparkling personality. You tugged the sheet down exposing my warm body to the cooled air making me shiver. You continue palming my ass, stroking each cheek. You withdraw your hand, making me brace myself. Smack! You land a spank square on the right cheek, then the left. You go back and forth warming my ass, thoroughly covering my exposed flesh. I feel you reach for something, I love not knowing what you might be searching for. You caress my now quite pink ass with our good friend big red, the polished wood glides over me. This little guy looks innocent enough but boy does it pack a punch. Plus you know how to aim it just right using the tip to bite the same spot over and over. You start with a few soft blows to warm me up again, gradually increasing the power behind each swing. Soon I am writhing on the bed, unable to keep still. My pussy is getting so wet, I can feel the dampness on the sheets under me. You hit me especially hard right across both cheeks, making me want to crawl away. "Stay still!" I whimper in response, I want to stay still for you but its so hard when you spank me like that. It hurts like hell but feels amazing at the same time. My mind tells me to escape while my body wants more. You throw your arm across my back to keep me from escaping, pinning me to the bed, my arms above my head. Not fazing you a bit, you get back into the same rhythm. Knowing how it affects me, you keep hitting all of my sweet spots. "You want to cum don't you?" "mmhhhhmmm" "then touch yourself, I want to see you cum for me" I raise my hips slightly to slip a hand between my thighs. I am drenched in wetness, my body ready to be fucked, the spanking teasing me. I slip two fingers inside of me and almost immediately my pussy grips them as I cum hard. All the pent up pressure from your spanks let go and I cry out from the pure pleasure. "That's it baby, cum for me" You never stopped spanking me as I come down from my high. "Alright that's enough for you, stop touching yourself" In my post orgasm haze I don't register your words "I said stop toughing yourself, NOW! The anger in your voice snaps me back to reality, I bring my hand back up above my head. To punish me for disobeying, you strike me across both cheeks so hard I cry out and for some reason start laughing. "What the fuck are you laughing about?" "You think somethings funny?" I have no idea why I'm laughing, its not funny, it freaking hurts. "no" "No what?" "no sir, I'm sorry for laughing" You roughly grab me by the hair, forcing my head back as you start using your hand to abuse my poor ass, the burning sting growing. "Your ass is so red, how does it feel?" "It burns really bad but it feels so good" "well I think its time for you to suck my cock"

You let my hair go and you lay on your back with your knees up, legs spread inviting me to come and play. Your cock is rock hard, and gently tapping your stomach as it pulses. Positioning myself between your spread thighs I gently lick the tip of your cock, the salty precum spreading over my tongue. I moan with the delicious taste of you. Dipping down to lick the shaft, I hook my arms around your thighs so that my face is buried in your groin. The smell of my man is intoxicating, filling my head, making me dizzy. I nuzzle your silky balls with my nose, as I grip your cock in my hand. You let out a throaty moan when I lick the smooth skin between your balls and your ass. Smiling to myself because I know what this does to you. You must have read my thoughts because you said "remember last time you played there?" "mmm yes I do" "I ended up cumming on your face and you loved it" I would have been very happy to oblige you again but I needed to be fucked, hard. "but you haven't fucked me yet?" "Does my little slave need to be fucked?" "yes Sir" "Okay I will but you need to suck me some more first" I raise up, face to face with your magnificent member. With a sigh I suck you into my warm mouth, running my tongue up and down the sensitive underside. Threading your hands through my hair, forcing me to swallow more of your cock "Oohh you suck cock so good baby, good god." That's all the encouragement I need, I lick my thumb and use it to massage that sensitive line under your balls again as I take as much of you as I can deep into my throat, slightly choking at your girth. I can feel you starting to get close, having memorized the signs that its getting to be too much. You grip my face under my chin, forcing me to let go of you. "Get up here and ride me" "I'm not going to do anything, you have to do all the work, I'm just going to lay here and watch you"

My inner deviant was rubbing her hands together greedily as I climbed astride you. I didn't even need to grip you, as your cock was standing straight up, I slowly sank down on you, letting your generous size fill me almost to the point of being painful. Bracing my hands on your chest I started grinding my pussy against you, it felt so damn good. It didn't take long for my orgasm to start building as I layed down on your chest, my hands gripping your hips. Being lined up like that does delicious things to me, I cant get enough, pulling your hips to mine feeling every bump and ridge of you rubbing me in all the right spots. You can tell I'm getting close, "Do you need to cum?" barely finding my voice "yes I do, I cant stop" "Let it go baby, cum for me" I tumble over the edge, screaming as I get that sweet release, I never stop moving, almost uncontrollably my body on autopilot, craving it. Sitting up to look down at you, I try to catch my unsteady breath. Your arms are folded beneath your head as you look at me smugly. With a huge smile on your face, you ask me if it was good. Ha! Good doesn't cover what that was. "Well I think its time for you to suck my cock again"

I gingerly lift myself off of you, I can already tell I'm going to be sore tomorrow, and that's totally fine with me. I draw you into my mouth tasting both of us on you. I hurriedly suck up and down, working you into a frenzy. Before I can get into a rhythm you tell me to flip onto my back. I obey you and I settle back with you sitting astride my chest as you place your cock between my heavy breasts. I squeeze them around you as you thrust against me. Taking your cock in hand, you start stroking yourself on the edge of your own orgasm, pointing the head at my mouth. I know exactly what your going to do so I suck on my thumb to get it nice and slick. You cum so hard every time I play with your ass, so I circle my thumb around the sensitive skin knowing that it will push you to your limit. Tipping your head back you cum, groaning as you shoot your hot cum all over my mouth and neck, basically giving me a 'pearl necklace'. Smiling down at me like you just won the lottery, you rub the softening head against my lips "I thought you would like matching necklaces"

Always the jokester. :)

Sweet dreams

I wake with a start, your hot mouth on my nipple roughly teasing, pulling. Your wet tongue caresses the puckered skin as your teeth clamp down. I arch my back, a mix of pain and pleasure courses down my spine. With a content sigh you release me. Pressing yourself against my side, I feel your hardened member against my thigh. We drift back to sleep.

I don't know if this really happened or was just a dream. I don't think I want to know. :)

A letter to Sir

Dear Sir,

You are my lover, my best friend, my master, my partner in crime and my husband. You made me a mother to the best little boy I could have ever hoped for. You provide for us and care for us in everyway that you know how, and I'd like to thank you for that.

When we first met I would never have guessed that we would be where we are now. Back then we both stumbled through our relationship, both almost ruining our chances forever. Fate brought us back together and I thank god for that. I have been happier with you by my side than in my whole life, you really are my better half.

You get my silly side, laughing when I make a face at you or when Im dancing wildly in the car. You understand my cranky side, when Ive had a hard day and just cant seem to let it go, you give me my space. You love my mothering side, whether Im playing with our son or preparing a meal for you. I crave to make you happy and you appreciate me for it. You relish my fiesty side, when we play fight in the kitchen (you always win, but I fight dirty) or when I grab your ass while you wash the dishes. You like my submissive side, when Im kneeled before you and when Im taking my spankings. You seem to love everything about me and I thank you for that (even if I dont understand it).

You try so hard to make me happy and give me what I need, and thats what Id like to thank you for most of all. You are an amazing husband and lover. I can not imagine my life without you. When I suggested we try to change the way we live (TTWD) you didnt treat me like a sex crazed mental patient (even if I did feel that way sometimes) You were open to making our relationship better and stronger and were genuingly interested and open to it. I have a very hard time expressing myself vocally and you have been very understanding and have pushed me to let go of my insecurities. Your strength and kindness has made me a better person.

Thank you from the bottom of my soul, you are everything to me.

Love,
Your wife, best friend, little slave and lover.

Date night!

We were planning on just staying home and relaxing this weekend, but yesterday my mother asked if she could have little man for a sleepover tonight. She is the best momma and grammie. So date night it is. Not 100% sure what we are doing yet but there was no sex or spanking last night because He wanted me to rest up "cause you're going to need your energy tomorrow night" -He said with a menacing little glare.

Yipes! :)

Whimper

Wincing with each leg lift this morning at the gym, I mentally replayed last nights spanking session. Basically, it hurt like hell, but felt fantastic. I'd be skipping around singing today if I wasn't so sore.

I slept downstairs in our spare/playtime bedroom as instructed and put in my plug just in case He wanted to have anal. He came home and put His arm around me tweaking a nipple as He told me about work. Eventually I ended up face down on the bed with His arm thrown across my back attempting to keep me still as He (abused) spanked my ass harder than He ever has before, and he seemed to keep hitting the same spot that He bruised last time, on purpose I'm sure. "I think this is the hardest I've ever spanked you, and you fucking love it don't you?" I cried out that I did even though I was seriously thinking about asking Him to stop. Good thing I didn't, I came hard a few minutes later.

After I calmed down a bit He said it was time to suck His cock. "Yes please" I positioned myself between His spread legs and went to work. With His hands fisted in my hair "you always suck my cock so good" I reminded Him again that I would daily if He let me. He came close to cumming before pulling me off and telling me to ride Him. I climbed on top of Him and slowly sank down, the plug rubbing the length of Him inside me. "I love it when you ride me while your ass is stuffed with a plug". It didn't take long for us to finish.

The funny thing is...He almost seems surprised that He enjoys spanking me so much.

I knew He would though, I just can't say it out loud because He would probably spank me for it.  :)

Big Red

Introducing.... Big Red.:)

I was rummaging around our basement when I found one of those big five gallon bucket paint stirring sticks that was left over from painting our house. Idea! I cut it down some in the length and sanded the edges till they were nice and smooth ( ass splinters would be very bad ) and painted it red. I figured might as well go with the same color my ass was going to be. :)

Now here is the thing, not once while I was working on this little project did it pop into my mind how messed up it was that I was making something for Him to use against me. Oh no, that little gem didn't surface until I ended up with a bruise the size of a half dollar on my ass.

Sense of self preservation - gone.

Mayhem

This has been a heck of a week, so Im going to have to split this into two posts So please bear with me.

It was a horribly long sex less week, and we had our nephew over for the weekend, making alone time almost impossible. Like I said  last week, our playtime was restricted due to a small procedure. The lack of sex and spanking had me in a bit of a snit, thankfully we can now go back to our normal routine. In the meantime I took it upon myself to start a project, our funds are tight right now, so that means no new toys for awhile. It's kinda hard for me to buy stuff online anyway, I want to see it in front of me, really check it out. We have been on the hunt for a new spanking toy, the Singapore Stinger (a favorite of mine) is a thin paddle that leave my ass nice and red, but its a little too long, making it a little awkward to use. So, I decided to make my own. More on that, later.

We had just put the boys down for a long nap and were trying to decide between taking a nap too or getting in the shower. Shower won. I got in first while He finished His game of Call Of Duty. I had just finished washing my hair when He stepped into the shower. He flicked my nipple and asked how the water was. I rolled my eyes and said it was just fine, we switched places so that He could wash His hair while I shaved my legs. Shaving in the shower is just plain awkward without something to prop your foot on. He must have noticed that because He said I needed to get some sort of stool to use. Immediately my sex crazed brain thought of other things a stool in the shower could be used for. I could feel Him watching me as I ran the razor over my legs, "Why are you watching me shave?" "Cause I can, what else am I supposed to look at?" I feel very self conscious whenever He watches me, I guess that's kinda the point though. I stood up and turned my back to Him to put my razor and shaving cream back on the ledge. I had barely set them down when He cracked me on my right cheek with His hand. I cried out a bit, having been caught off guard. I braced myself against the wall for what was coming. He held me by the shoulder as He swatted me, alternating the numbers of blows per cheek so that I didn't know where the next one would land. I arched my back toward Him as I moaned in rhythm to His spanking. After about forty spanks He paused so that I could catch my breath.

Rubbing my sore bottom "those sting more than last time" He just smiled and said "Not enough, Im going to turn your ass bright red" as He pushed me into the corner of the shower. He held me still with his arm across my back, pressing me up against the cool tiles. He covered my ass with hard quick spanks, barely giving me time to count how many. I could feel my ass burning with the heat His spanks created. All of a sudden He released His hold on me, only to snake His hand up to surround my throat. Pulling my hips towards Him, He sunk His length into me in one swift thrust. He savagly pounded into me, making me scream out as I orgasmed, not caring who heard me. Letting my throat go, He gripped my hips in His large hands and continued forcing His way into me. By this time I was bent over at a ninety degree angle, desperatly trying to hold my grip on the wall to keep from falling. His thrusts slowed down letting me feel every inch of Him. With a sigh He pulled out and took a step back, "I want to cum so badly right now but I just cant seem to" feeling guilty and concerned "what would you like me to do for you?" "you dont need to do anything, it feels amazing and spanking you turns me on like a mother fucker"

I couldnt help but feel responsible, dropping down to kneel in front of Him, I softly licked the tip of His still hard cock. Cupping His heavy, silky balls in my hand, I placed my lips over His cock head. His member twitched against my lips, giving me all the encouragement I needed. Swirling my tongue around the plump head, His long cock slid into my mouth, nudging the back of my throat. My face burried against His crotch, and I was purring with satisfaction. If my mouth hadnt been so full, I would have been smiling ear to ear. Gripping his hips in my hands I pulled Him against me forcing Him to fuck my mouth. Over the sound of the water spraying down, His breathing turned to labored pants. I could tell He was getting close, His hands were twisted through my wet hair, as His cock started pulsing. Sucking hard, He cried out as His hot cum splashed the back of my throat almost choking me. I swallowed what I could, the rest dripping down onto my breasts.

After He had caught His breath He released my hair, I licked my lips with a cheshire cat smile and said "I dont know what you were talking about, you didnt seem to have any problem cumming"

Yearning

I am a very impatient person. If I want something, I want it now. Whether it be a special occasion, a night out, a thing or sex. The longer I wait the more feisty I get.

This week is no exception. Due to a minor outpatient procedure, the vagina is on the injured list for awhile. (He said ok, looks like it will be all anal) yipes!

So far He has been very gentle and understanding. Which I super appreciate but I'm getting antsy. I need sex and spanking. I need it now! Lol

Anticipation can be a good thing, it builds the excitement level but I just want to be healed up and get back to business ( yes, I know I sound like a sex addict but I'm okay with it ). While I feel like I'm gonna burst, He is just whistling along like He has not a care in the world. How can this sudden time out not be affecting Him? I'm not brave enough to ask yet.

This is one of the reasons why TTWD is so good for our relationship. We used to fight all the time about sex. He has never had much of a sex drive until we started all this, I on the other hand have always had a huge sex drive. Now I feel like He wants me more than ever. In the past I also felt neglected and unattractive when the frequency of the sex we were having was lacking. There we even times that that little nugget of insecurity would have me thinking that He could be straying. He never has, He is a very good man and has always treated me wonderfully. I just get down on myself when we aren't having sex as often as I'd like. I internalize things, which is something I'm trying to be better about for Him. He wants me to be more open about my wants and feelings, which is hard for me. I am trying, I really am, promise. TTWD has changed us for the better, we are closed than ever.

How does everyone else deal with the time apart, or even just a basic lack of time? Im struggling.

With any luck maybe there will be some good girl spankings tomorrow for not whining too much over being on the injured list.

Unless He counts my whining on here.

Oops :)

Splish Splash

A few days ago we decided to add something new to our weekly routine. Since we are parents and also work outside of our home full time we tend to lack that alone time that we crave. So we have started Shower Night. One night a week we are going to sneak off to our very large shower for some play time after little man has gone to bed for the night. I love my shower, its a large custom built and tiled walk in shower. I could just about lay down on the floor of it and fit head to toe (which happens to be very convenient for shower sex. I saw some suction handles and a foot rest that suctions to the wall that Id like to try out. If we get them, Ill be sure to post a review.

It had been a long day of working, running around, swimming and having dinner with my family. We didn't have anytime for any maintenance other than a quick swat now and again. I winked at Him and mentioned a few times how much I was looking forward to taking a shower later when we got home. He got the hint and I was rewarded with a small wicked smile.

That night after we got home, I went into the bathroom to start the shower and stripped off my clothes. He was in the kitchen getting a drink, so I stood in the doorway and waited for Him to join me. When He was ready, I stepped into the shower and let my hair down as He pulled the curtain shut.

The hot water felt amazing after such a long day. He watched me intently as I washed my hair, His fingers tugging and twisting my taunt nipples. I switched spots with Him so that He could stand under the spray, closing His eyes as the hot water worked its magic. I started to wash myself with my heavenly smelling lavender body wash, His eyes following my every move as I rubbed the foam over my body. We switched again so that I could rinse off, my body pressed against the wall to give Him room to pass by me, moaning as His cock lightly brushed against my ass. He just smiled at me and let me finish rinsing myself.

After I was all clean and yummy smelling, I had Him stand under the water as I grabbed His body wash. Working the soap into a lather, I spread my hands over His back and shoulders, rubbing His hardened muscles under my fingers. He moaned and closed His eyes to savor the feeling. I love to wash Him, feeling His soapy skin under my fingers turns me on like no other. I am addicted to touching Him, tasting Him, having His skin against mine. I lightly squeezed His perfect butt before He turned to have me wash His front. I got more soap and worked His chest muscles, letting the soapy water run down Him, my eyes following the trail of bubbles as they ran towards His swelling cock and then down to His legs.

He grabbed my waist and turned me around to face the corner, His hands resting on my ass. Pulling my hips against His crotch He pressed me down so that I was bent at the waist, my ass on display to Him. He drew His hand back and spanked me hard on the right cheek with a loud crack! "This is for being such a good girl this week" "Thank you Sir" His hand was a blur as He landed five hard spanks on each cheek. "I'm going to turn my little slaves ass red" I moaned a "yes please". Two more smacks to the inside of my thighs had me spreading my legs for relief.

He must have taken that as an invite because He started pressing His length against my wet pussy. The hot water, His skin against mine and the spanking were a perfect combination,  making me drip with anticipation. With a groan He slid His hard cock into me, making me gasp for air. He held himself still, savoring the feeling. Slowly He drew himself back, as I braced myself for what was coming. He dug his fingers into my hips and pounded my pussy with everything He had. I could already feel an orgasm building, His rock hard cock forcing it from me. He never slowed as I cried out "ohhh...I'm going to cum Sir" "Do it my little slave, cum for me" "Now baby, cum on my cock". His words released me, I came hard, locking my arms so that I didn't fall as I cried out.

He withdrew himself just enough to be able to spank me as I came down from my orgasm. A couple quick stinging swats and then He was buried inside me again, pressing His body against mine so that His cock nudged my sweet spot, making me want more. Instead of giving me what I clearly wanted, He slipped out and knelt behind me.

Keeping me bent over, He spread my ass cheeks and rubbed the soft pad of His thumb over my puckered asshole, the sensation sending a ripple of pleasure through me. With his big hands on my thighs holding me still, He pressed His wet hot tongue against me, making me whimper. He continued to run circles around my twitching ass, my moans getting louder and louder as I pleaded for more. "Touch yourself my little slut, rub your pussy for me" I couldn't snap out of my trance. His tongue on me had me frozen in place unable to process his words. I knew I needed to obey Him, but it felt so good. "I said touch yourself, NOW!" The last word a growl that vibrated through me, breaking the spell on me. With one hand holding me up, the other rubbing my greedy pussy, He continued his attack on my sensitive asshole. Drawing back He licked his fingers and started pressing against my tight ass. I let out a small yelp when He started filling my ass, my pussy was on fire, another orgasm coming quick. He worked His finger farther into me, my own buried in my pussy, rubbing my sweet spot "I'm going to cum again Sir, may your slave please cum?" "Yes baby, cum for me" "Show me how hard you can cum" I screamed out as my orgasm crashed over me, rocking me back against Him, my ass gripping His fingers with every wave.

Before I even had time to catch my breath, He withdrew his finger and stood. A quick smack at my now very sensitive thighs made me spread my legs and without hesitation He plunged into my pussy, rocking me forward. He wrapped one hand around my middle and the other across my neck, pulling me up, arching my back as he forced me to look at Him. His eyes were filled with a fierce passion that burned me up. He fucked me so hard that all I could do was hold on for the ride. His cock brutally impaling me was more than I could take as my body shook with a mind blowing, toe curling orgasm, my battered pussy gushing around Him.

I collapsed against the warm tiles, dragging air into my screaming lungs as I tried to regain my balance. My pussy was still throbbing with the after affects of such an intense orgasm. After I had a chance to calm down a bit, with a grin He said "You know, you didn't wash all of me" 

I grabbed the soap again and worked up a good lather as I knelt before him. Running my hands up and down His toned legs, I worked the muscles with my fingers, kneading the tension from them. With His well fucked cock level with my mouth I licked the tip, tasting myself on Him. Looking up at Him for approval, I started to wash His cock,  paying special attention to every vein and bulge. He groaned as with one hand I soaped up His heavy balls and with the other started working the slippery soap over His glistening cock. I snuck a peak up at Him to find that His head was tipped back, eyes closed, His soft lips parted as He panted. I happily kept stroking His cock, washing away the remaining soap.

Licking my lips I drew Him into my warm wet mouth, savoring the taste of Him. I gripped His thighs as I sucked Him in deep, my nose pressed against His pubic bone. Running my tongue against the sensitive under side of Him, His very hard cock sliding all the way back, making me gag slightly as the head started to enter my throat. He then pulled himself from my hungry mouth, stroking Himself, a hand fisted in my hair at the nape of my neck. With a loud groan and a shudder He came, shooting over my face and neck, pooling between my breasts. I licked my lips tasting His salty cum, hungry for more I gently licked the now sensitive tip of Him, cleaning the cum from His softening cock. He stepped back and smiled at me as He helped me to my feet.

After I had rinsed off His cum, I lovingly washed His thick hair, massaging His scalp to relax Him. He rinsed off and as He stepped out of the shower gave me two quick spanks. We dried ourselves and then wrapped up in our thick fluffy towels. My ass tender against the towel, I looked behind me to asses the damage. My ass was a lovely rosy pink, I gave Him a shy smile when He asked if it still stung. "Good, I like seeing your ass red and I know you like it too"

We eventually fell into bed, kissing each other goodnight, the taste of Him still on my lips.

I slept like a baby well used slave. :)

Midnight thoughts

Sorry if Im rambling, but I have these thoughts that keep circling around and its helps to write it out, so here it is.

I didn't sleep well, pent up sexual tension was bubbling at the surface keeping me from sleeping soundly. My dreams kept circling Him and the hold He has on me. Some days I feel so helpless, my life a whirlwind with Him as my rock. Other days I am confident and secure in everything, except for where I stand with Him. I cherish Him like no other, my absolute love and respect sometimes scares me. I want to give my whole self to Him but it's so hard to let go and put down my guard. He wants me to tell Him what I need but I can't seem to easily share those deep dark secrets without the fear of judgement.

Do I really think He will judge me? (no I guess I don't, but I have a very hard time trusting) How do you step over that line between what you know and what you need? I think I just need a hard shove over the divide.

As Conina said last weekend, as a submissive woman, it's so important to not force you own desires onto your Dom. I know what I deeply need and want, it's just getting it out in the open is the hard part. I don't want to influence Him but if it doesn't come out then eventually resentment sets in and we all know there is no room for that in anyone's relationship. It has been a long journey to where we are now and we still have a long way to go. That's part of the fun though, the learning and the trial and error.

In my experience, most men (and women) can be put into three categories: submissive, passive and dominant. I have been in relationships with all three in the past and here is what Ive learned. Two submissives is just a mess. Two people who physically, mentally and sexually need to be dominated pretending that its okay to give up what you really need. A submissive and a passive person can make it work for a time but I don't think either are ever really content. A submissive and a dominant works great as long as you are open about your needs and boundaries. Opposites attract people! lol

TTWD to me is something that you either fall into naturally or are brought into by someone. For us, my submissiveness is an ingrained part of who I am but Him as a Dom is a learned practice. I brought Him into this, no remorse either. We have a much stronger marriage because of TTWD (especially lately now that I have another outlet to explain my feelings). People that know us think that we have such a great relationship and that we never fight. I just prefer to keep my dirt at home and not aired out for others to see. We have our own share of problems that we have had to work through but I'm very happy with where we are now. 

Even though it took us a few trys to make this work, I kept coming back to Him because He has a hold on me like no other. Even when we hadn't seen each other in years and were with other people, I was drawn to him. He is my alpha. :)

I'm not going to pretend like I'm the perfect sub because lord knows I'm not. I don't always listen to and do what He says but that's just part of who I am. If one day I started bowing down to Him and jumping at His every command, I bet He would call the doctor to see if I was sick. lol I need to test my boundaries every once in awhile, plus its fun to see him get all riled up. Discipline and maintenance is a huge part of what keeps me sane. I work at a very stressful place and sometimes carry that over to my home life. Maintenance brings me back to my happy place, reminds me where I belong and that I am loved and cared for. Discipline is just that, discipline. People tend to behave better if they know there are consequences. I have always needed someone to answer to or I tend to not behave very nicely. :)

I guess in the end what Im trying to say is that I love being submissive to my husband and I want to serve him in everyway. I will just about bend over backwards to make him happy. I try to obey Him, but that doesnt always go as planned and if I doesnt then I need consequences.

Morning Glory

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Dream a little dream of me

Last night I had the most erotic dream. I had slept in our spare bedroom as He requested I should so that I would be waiting for Him when He got home from work (it's far enough from our sons room to not have to worry as much about the noise). I primped and shaved and made sure my skin was soft and fragrant for Him. I wrote last nights blog and then drifted off to sleep hoping that the hours before His return home would go quickly.

Why is it you never remember the beginning of a dream? You always start right in the middle. Like how did we get here and whats going on? I dreamed that I was cooking Him dinner like usual until He bent me over the counter, pulled down my jeans and started spanking me with one of my wooden spoons. He was dissapointed in something I did. I remember feeling guilty and trying to apologize to Him for whatever I had done but He wouldn't hear me out. He kept spanking me and saying how bad I was and that I deserved every blow. I was squirming and trying to get away as my ass turned bright pink from the spoon hitting me. He threw down the spoon and unzipped himself and with one swift move was buried to the hilt. He slammed me against the counter with every thrust. It was over before I knew it, He pulled out and came on my pink striped ass. It was right then that He came home and I woke up from my dream.

He came in and said baby "I'm home, I'm going to take a quick shower." I dozed to the sounds of the running water from His shower. I don't know how much time passed before He was getting into bed with me. Small feat in a full size bed, big men need big beds.

He started to caress my skin and then His hands traveled down to cup my ass as He nuzzled my neck. He paused to slip off His boxers (why He put them on in the first place is beyond me) and said "why don't you come down here and take care of this?" " I've got a surprise for you" I was mentally bouncing up and down, I do love surprises. As I gripped His hardening member and cupped His balls I felt that He had trimmed pretty close while in the shower. Yum, the better to lick. I ran my tongue the length of Him and around the plump head before swallowing Him as far as possible. I sucked hard bringing His cock to life, hardening against my tongue. I had His cock in one hand and silky balls in the other. He then grabbed a fist full of my hair and told me to suck on His balls. Gladly I thought. He moans so much whenever I do that for Him. Plus when He takes a sharp breath i know I hit a sweet spot.

I continued stroking Him with my hands and tongue, teasing His asshole like I know He likes me too. "Ooo... my little slave do you like that?" I gave Him a muffled yes. "where are the toys at?" 'they are under the bed in the storage container' "go get one" 'which one would you like me to get?' "I want you to choose what one I use on you" I picked out a flesh colored very realistic dildo that is quite thick. I know that's His favorite to use on me since I squeal like crazy when He fucks me with it. I also grabbed a pair of gold nipple clamp rings that He has never seen before. I climbed up to kneel in front of Him while I put the rings on and I handed Him the dildo.

He had me get back into position sucking His cock, my body 90 degrees to His so that He can play with me and spank me at the same time. I felt the tip of the dildo pushing against my pussy lips, nudging slowly to tease me. Then he slammed it straight home. I yelled out at the sudden intrusion, as I tried to accommodate the large dildo. He started a maddening pace that had me moaning against Him, slowly pulling it out and then thrusting hard into me. He was hitting my spot so good and I came in no time. He pulled the dildo out with a pop and told me to get on top and ride him.

I got out of my position and lowered myself onto his very hard cock. It doesn't take long at all for me to get a strings of orgasms going this way. I can usually last through about four before I feel like I'll pass out. I rode Him slowly trying to make it last, on my third orgasm I felt it building and building so I knew it was going to be good. I sat back and squeezed my nipples roughly and came with a gush, my body contracting around Him. He then lifted me off and told me to lay on my back. I thought He was going to fuck my ass but instead straddled my chest and had me push my tits together with His cock in between. He started pumping himself , using me as a toy. It didn't take long for Him to reach His peak with a final thrust He came on my face sending jets of cum over my throat, mouth and cheeks. I was so surprised, He had never done that before. After I wiped my eyes and was able to look up at Him, He had the most smug look on His face.

"Well that should give you something to write about"

Pompous ass! Lol

Gotta love Him.

Take a hint

Been absent for a couple days with the weekend and what not. Saturday was girls night out with one of my dear friends. As usual I was late getting to her house, was pulling out of the drive way when I realized I didn't have enough gas to get there. So I had to make a 20 minute detour to get gas. Grrrr. We went for a yummy meal at Olive Garden and then we were off to consume large quantities of alcohol at the local bar.

We were both looking pretty hot when we walked in and turned a few heads. :) Always nice to be appreciated. We ordered our drinks and sat down to chat with the owner who is a friend of ours.

Later a group of men around our age came over and started chatting us up. One of them was watching me pretty intently, okay no big deal. I do have to say my hair was looking pretty good that night. A few minutes later he leaned over and introduced himself and told me that I had a beautiful smile. Hmmm, kinda odd thing to tell a married woman with a wedding ring on her finger. The night wore on and we enjoyed a couple games of bags and got to feeling pretty good. The bar closed and we all went out to the parking lot and stood around talking for another hour or two. During this whole time the same man was paying an awful lot of attention to me. From staring to brushing his hand along my back. Warning! Warning! The red flag in my mind went up. Thankfully a few minutes later everyone started heading to their homes. We were saying our goodbyes when the same man leaned over and whispered in my ear asking me if we could go somewhere and have sex! Wtf? I hadn't even shown him the smallest bit of interest and had told him multiple times that I was happily married. I obviously said no, I'm married. Next he asked " could we if we used a condom?" gahhh! I think my eyes bugged out of my head and my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what had just come out of his mouth. I was shocked, I immediately said no and walked away. I know some men are thick skulled but jeez.

I told Him about my night after I came home. He got all serious in that Dom tone and asked if He needed to start coming with me when I do go out. I told Him that I'm a big girl and can hold my own. With a slap on the ass and a playful wink He told me that I better be able to. :) I was told to be waiting downstairs in his favorite jammies for him when he gets home from work tonight.

I didn't have to be told twice to take the hint, why can't other people?

Spank...spank...spank your wife...

SPANKING (according to Wikipedia)- "refers to the act of striking the buttocks of another person to cause temporary pain without producing physical injury. In some cultures, the spanking of a wife by her husband is considered acceptable forms of domestic discipline, though the practice is far less common than it used to be. In other contexts, the spanking of an adult can be considered a playful gesture during a social ritual or as a form of entertainment."

What is it about spanking that make this submissive turn to a compliant, soft lover or into a raging ball of sexual hormones? Well either can be accomplished quite easily depending on the setting and the tools. Sometimes when I've had a bad day or week for that matter, nothing would cure my sour mood than to be bent over and spanked, flogged or cropped till my ass is pink. There is something so captivating about spanking to be punished or just for maintenance. I'm all for maintenance, even though we don't currently practice it. I believe it's a good thing to connect in that way at least once a week, twice if you can manage it. I find it very hard to be submissive (in my own way) without a strong handed dominant. Everyone needs that grounding whatever role they have. I am a better person having to submit to someone. I get a little too big for my britches otherwise. :)

Today was one of those days that I needed some grounding/maintenance. I needed to be held down while He swatted my ass to remind me where I belong and who I belong to. I was feeling lovey and playful when I got home from work so I wrapped my arms around Him for a hug and bravely told Him that I needed something. I patted His ass and gave him the " pretty pretty please" look. ( why after all this time do have such a hard time telling him what I need but then I can talk about sex openly to anyone else? ) "unless your looking for my wallet, I know what you want". The nightly rituals got in the way and so there was no spanking to be had. Some pretty mild sex on the couch before going to bed. And yes I'm still cranky over the lack of spanking. What's a girl gotta do? Lol

Didn't sleep well at all, mostly because I woke up to the house being 45*. Brrrr. It's June! This is just uncalled for.

In other news, I'm thinking of asking Him if we could convert our downstairs spare bedroom into a little private space for us to use for "activities" after little man goes to bed. Right now our bedroom shares a wall with our sons bedroom which makes it very hard for anything too rigorous. Plus we have a metal framed bed = major squeakiness. I would love to get a four poster walnut bed preferably one with drawers underneath to store our assorted toys. How convenient! But alas that wont be happening unless we sell a kidney or something on the black market. I'd love some ideas if anyone has any for our new playroom (would have to be pg. rated to the vanilla persons eye though). I'm thinking some sort of storage under the bed and obviously some new toys to start us in the right direction. :) yes that's my excuse for getting some new ones and I'm sticking to it. Ive been wanting to have Him try a flogger or a riding crop for awhile now and I think He would really enjoy it. (it goes without saying that I would enjoy it too, especially since id be the receiving end). Who doesn't love new toys?

Happy weekend!

Balance

Is there such a thing as the perfect balance between home life, work life and sex life? I'm not so sure. This last week has been a good example of that. We started a new diet last week which has left one of us quite cranky (it's not me). The work week was a tough one, between customers and coworkers I was ready to pull my hair out with all the tension (don't worry, I didn't, but He just about did) Thank goodness it was a three day weekend and we spent it with family for the most part. Saturday we went out for dinner with His family to celebrate our nephews graduation. The problem was that we went to a steak restaurant and we were only allowed to have up to 7oz of meat :( This did not sit well with Him because He is a steakoholic. Having to limit what He ate was really hard and put Him in a pretty foul mood. I had hoped we would go see a movie or go out somewhere but instead we ended up back at our vanilla friends house to watch a UFC fight on payperview. Now I am really into UFC but no one of particular interest to me was fighting that night and I promptly fell asleep on their couch. (Exciting I know) Awhile later i was woken up and taken home to bed (not in that way you perverts lol) no sex that night. ...And that was our date night. :(

Sunday was a better day, we slept in a bit, had some "play time" and then went swimming at my parents. That morning when I woke up I was still a little miffed for not putting our date night to better use. The lack of sex specifically. A few moments later He woke up and asked me if I was still mad at him for last night. Yes! Of course I was, I needed a night on the town and some kinkery and instead I got a crabby husband and a nap on my friends couch.

I rolled over on my stomach and put my face in my pillow to pout a bit. Bad idea. He let me lay there a minute and stew, then I felt my nighty (lovely little dark purple and black lace trimmed nighty) being inched up over my thighs and ass. Smack! He spanked my left cheek quite hard and I let out a yelp/moan. Then the other side. Back and forth till I was moaning and pulling at the headboard. He obviously knows what gets me going. Then I was ordered to kneel on the bed with my ass toward the edge of the bed and told to stay put. Of course like a good girl I stayed right where I was, ass up and face down on the mattress. I could hear Him rummaging around in the toy drawer as if He could find what He wanted "why isn't that big dildo here?" "ummm it's downstairs" "and why is it downstairs?" looking shameful..."because I was playing with myself". I knew I was in trouble because He didn't say another word as he walked back to my side of the bed. WACK! He smacked my ass square on with our Singapore Stinger and continued striping my ass with each blow. Damn that stung. I couldn't see it but i could tell my ass was turning pink with every one Then He started giving me little swats on the inside of my thighs working his way towards my pussy. By this time I was writhing on the bed waiting for Him to actually touch me. He grabbed me by the hair and told me to stay still and just take it. Then He gave me a swat right on my clit. Oh my goodness. I just about came right then, I was more than wet and willing. Finally He put down the stinger and thrust His full length into me. He grabbed my hair in one hand and held my face with the other. He slammed into my pussy and pulled my hair so hard, I couldn't focus on the pain because it felt so good. He continued abusing my pussy until with a audible pop he pulled out and started to force His way into my ass without giving me a moment to protest. He was so hard and unrelenting. Gripping my hips as He rode my ass like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't hold out any longer and let myself orgasm -without permission :) my grip on him pushed Him over the edge as He emptied His cum deep into me. We both fell onto the bed spent and satisfied.

I couldn't be mad anymore for the night before, good steamy sex will do that to a woman. And yes I was walking funny for awhile, but it was so worth it.

Hungry, hurting and horny.

Im not at all sad to see this week end. Why? Well, it hasn't been the most fabulous week so far. We will be starting a new diet in our household this next week, which means my days of eating squeeze cheese and crackers for lunch and lucky charms cereal for dinner are numbered. :( This diet has gained quite a bit of popularity around here for its wonderful results, even though I've heard it's a little difficult to get used to. It's very strict, we're talking no carbs, no sugar, no fruit, and no dairy. Which means I have to start drinking my coffee black instead of my usual flavored and sweetened deliciousness. (a slight grumbling can be heard already) I have warned my coworkers to expect some food related bitchiness. We will be surviving on 5 oz of meat a day along with 4 cups of vegetables and unlimited lettuce (whoopty do). I might as well just change my name to bugs bunny right now. Hubby and I could stand to both lose about 40 lbs each. What is it about marriage or long term relationships that make you gain weight? Is it comfort in knowing you already got them? laziness? or an obsession with food? (okay, that last one is just me) At least this is only a short term diet and not a lifetime commitment. Good thing because I can only stay away from pasta for so long. I'm looking forward to possibly getting back some energy and (with some devine intervention) single digit clothing sizes.

In other news, hubby hurt his neck sleeping. Okay, not really. He took a nap on the couch and when he went to get up he felt something in his neck pull and now has been banned from work until he can see his dr and get an all clear. Getting myself a dr appointment is ridiculous. Call as soon as they open and hope to get a call back sometime in the next week, but He had no problem. Called, they said come in tomorrow. SEXISM! Okay, not really but it's not fair. I have to be just about dead before they let me come in. I'm feeling kinda whiney today, can you tell?

Tonight we had dinner according to our new rules. It was pretty good actually except that I still think mushrooms are nasty. Bleh. Now we will do our usual nighttime rituals of reading our son a book and putting him to bed. I do believe an early bedtime and some freaky business for Him and I is a wonderful idea.

And off I go to do just that. ;)

Back in black/red.

Well I'm officially back after a few weeks of not being able to blog. It was just too hard to blog on my cell with the new layout. I got a new iPad from Him for mothers day so now its super easy. Except that now I spend way too much time on Facebook, pinterest, and playing cut the rope. I did manage to finally get our veggie garden planted today. I spent all yesterday weeding and tilling the ground while wearing a black tank top and gray shorts. (the color blank attracts the suns rays more than lighter colors) oops. That's how I ended up with a most unholy sunburn. I am red, not pink, red! It does hurt too bad (yet) but I just hope it fades to a lovely tan and doesn't peel off like usual.

We have been passing a cold back and forth and it's latest victim is Him. I filed a complaint with Him that there has not been enough sex going on around here. We have been crazy busy lately and sleep has trumped sex on the list of need to dos. My mother is going to have our son over one night this weekend for a sleepover so we will get at least one night to catch up on our play time. It's been so long since I had a good spanking and I'm feeling a bit insubordinate. I'd love to get a new paddle this week but we might just have to stick with the stinger until we get paid again. So last night I told Him I would be wearing his "favorite jammies" to bed (code word for sleeping naked) who doesn't love sleeping naked?its just so much more comfortable and... convenient. :) I was all revved up thinking we would finally get to have sex again (it's been awhile) after He got home from work. He crawled into bed around 3am and said He wasn't feeling good and wanted a rain check. At this point I was all hot and bothered from not having any sex lately and "no" was not really an option for me. So I asked if He would play with my nipples so that I could have a quick orgasm to tide me over till He felt better. He was happy to help me out and I had a nice little orgasm and was ready to go back to sleep when He told me that watching me had turned Him on and that He wanted me to use Him for my own pleasure (my inner sex freak was rubbing her hands together greedily). I slid myself down the bed and started to suck His cock. I really do love giving Him head. He has told me a few times that I'm a great cocksucker. I just wish He still made me suck Him off more often, to me there is no greater feeling than to be able to watch Him experiencing so much pleasure from my mouth. I got Him nice and slick because then I got on top and slid myself down onto His hard cock very slowly letting Him fill me. He has the most wonderful penis I have ever seen. It's just the right length, thick with a few veins and a nice plump head that hits all the right spots. I always wondered what His measurements were. Doesnt every guy do that at some point? I slowly rode and grinded myself to two amazing orgasms. I forgot how intense they can be when you are focused only on your own body. Mmm.. toe curling yumminess. After I got my breath back I slid back down to finish sucking Him off. It didn't take long for Him to orgasm with me sucking just the way He likes it but it took me by surprise when he started cumming and it hit me in the face. My first ever facial and I didnt actually mind except for needing to wash it out of my hair.

Wearing His "favorite jammie's" again tonight. :)

Bleh

What a horrid day! Massive migraine this morning followed by insane outbursts and general unpleasantness of my job. Somedays I catch myself looking for the brick wall that I seem to be constantly butting my head against. Thankfully there was a light at the end of the tunnel. A new fabulous hairdo!

I change my hair so often its ridiculous. I just get bored with looking the same. Some days you look and feel like a goddess and others you feel like a overweight hermit. Now I just need some new shoes. I do have a sexy pair of black and red pumps that need to make their debut sometime soon. The problem is what to pair them with? Hmmm ill have to give that some thought.

One more day of work and then I'll have some freedom. Garage sales, shopping, good food and hopefully some relaxing is on the agenda. Somewhere in there Im sure we will slip in some sex.

Or maybe we could just take a nap. I think I'm starting to feel a bit hermit-ish.

Who, what, and why?

There are times that I think about how I got to this point in life. I never planned on being a submissive, it's really not something you try to do. I didn't just wake up one day thinking " hmmm I think I'd like to be punished when I do something wrong". When I first realized where I was headed, I took to the internet to find answers. BAD IDEA! I found everything from daddy issues to mental illness. Which I have neither. Ok I might have some daddy issues but thats a whole nother story (which won't be told here).

Becoming a submissive was a gradual thing. It started with my first serious relationship. He wanted to be topped and while it was fun and sexy I just couldn't relate. It was like playing dress up, I wasn't that person and was only pretending for him. Eventually he caught on that it wasn't a natural role for me and we switched. I guess he was my first official dominant. We never used those identifiers though, BDSM wasnt in the media and as well known then. I learned a lot about what I liked and what I needed to be satisfied. The relationship didn't end well. I think in the end we had both only pretended to be happy all along.

I was involved for a short time with someone who I was totally honest with about my submissive side. We were not a good match but it was very freeing to speak openly about it without the fear of judgement. No matter the amount of love two people have for each other there will always be doubt. Will we make it? Will this finally be the real deal? Can I share the most private things about myself and not be judged?

I believe sex is a very important part of a good relationship, and in the past whenever the sex was lacking I'd feel undeserving and unattractive. Now I'm trying to learn to submit to HIM and makes my needs known. It did take me years to really start to be honest about my needs as a submissive, which we are only now getting deeper into. I wonder if its an ingrained thing for naturally submissive people to have such a hard time talking about our needs? Seems that way to me at least.

So now here we are going on 3yrs of marriage and trying to muddle our way through all of this. It's freeing to share my deepest wishes and thoughts. Yes I'm still scared of the unknown but id rather be myself and be afraid of what happens next than to pretend to be someone else.

Some days just suck

Today was one of those days that wears you down. The kind that suck your energy, making you want to curl up in bed and try again tomorrow. Saw something today at work that really made me sad (Can't explain what it was because of my job). I really hope im not the only one that is affected by other people's struggles. I know what it feels like to try so hard to just have everything crash down on you anyway. A friend of mine is going through that now and I just want to hug her and make it all go away.  :(

On a less sad note, this coming weekend is townwide garage sales in my parents town. So I will be gleefully dragging HIM around from house to house in search of treasures. I'm all a twitter just thinking about it. Then we are off to town to visit my beloved Target. Dinner at home followed by either falling asleep on the couch or having some very quiet sex after our son goes to bed. It's about a 70/30 chance that ill be asleep under a blanket while HE plays the xbox before 9pm. Oh the wild and crazy life we lead!

Is my sarcasm too obvious? :)

I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date.

If you were to go around and ask my friends and family if I'm usually on time for events and what not, they would laugh. Loudly. I have been late to just about everything I have ever gone to. Be it a Dr appointment or dinner with the family. Today was no exception.
I should have started getting ready to go to my friends baby shower about an hour earlier but instead I was drawn to the tv because those lovable rednecks from Duck Dynasty was on. Between watching them and Law and Order marathons, I'd say they could be blamed on about 50% of my sloth tendencies. So after I detached myself from the couch, I ran around in a craze because I knew I was going to be late (again). In passing I gave HIM my cell phone to read my very first blog post. Next thing I knew, HE was pressing HIS very hard member against my ass as I was attempting to finish wrapping my friends gift. HE must have decided that right then was a convenient time for HIM to have sex because I was immediately bent over the window seat with my jeans and panties down around my ankles with HIS cock slamming into me while I was forced to look out the window. A quick orgasm for me and him cumming onto my ass a few minutes later was the outcome of his attack.
After wiping me off so that I could continue my scurried beauty rituals, HE said that my blog post had turned HIM on and HE had to act on it right then.
Maybe this blogging thing isn't the bad idea I thought it would be. :)  
And yes, I was late. Again.

Fight club

"First rule of fight club. You do not talk about fight club." Last night was our usual UFC night at the friends house. We brought the food (read, I made it and wrapped it up and served it) and they paid for the pay per view fight. Now I'm not huge into violent sports but the is something about two very muscular men in tiny shorts trying their best to beat the snot out of each other. We do this every 5-6 weeks depending on the fight schedule and almost every time my mother watches our son for us at her home.
Having a babysitter = adult fun time.  :) So we watched the fights and drank large amounts of woo hoo. After it was over we went to their basement to play some pool. Now, I am by no means a pool shark but in the past I seem to shoot better the more drinks I've had. (Or maybe I just think I play better). We played many games of straight up stripes and solids. Of course the small (drunk) evil person in me made lots of comments on hubby's bad shots. I then received the 'you are so going to regret this' look. Yipes!
Which led to being held face first down on the bed with HIM spanking and covering my ass in stripes from our Singapore Stinger I. After he was satisfied that I had learned my lesson he let me cum while shoving a dildo in my ass and fucking my pussy.
I love Saturday's. :)